Presents, Pesto, and Pilferage - A Turtle Valentine
by tarin2014tfan
Summary: It's just a typical turtle Valentine's Day.


**Presents, Pesto, and Pilferage - A Turtle Valentine**

 **Disclaimer-** I do not own TMNT or any of the characters therein. Some VERY rich dude does.  
 **Rating** \- Mature Audiences ONLY  
 **Story Warnings-** Swearing, Gang violence, Fighting, "Shopping" after store hours, TCEST, Emotional distress, (Don't like these topics? Do not read!)  
 **Pairings -** Leo X Mikey, Implied OT4 (Do not like? Do not read!)  
 **Universe-** 2003 **  
Ages-** Turtles are all of the equivalent age of 21. (I made them this age to account for time passage in the series storyline.)  
 **  
Summary-** It's just a typical turtle Valentine's Day.

 **Story Credits** \- Song - The Mississippi Squirrel Revival by Ray Stevens,  & Critter, my brother's pet squirrel from years ago.

 **Presents, Pesto, and Pilferage - A Turtle Valentine**

Leo sat perched atop the tallest building in the neighborhood. The slight breeze shifting his bandana tails was by no means warm, although it did lack the biting cold of a few days ago. Even if the temperature had been frigid, it was doubtful the blue banded ninja would have noticed.

Leo was on a mission.

Keeping to the shadows, the mutant ninja moved several blocks down, heading in the general direction of April's shop. He stopped three buildings over to wait for April to give the all clear signal for him to come on in, a green light easily seen through her kitchen window.

The billboard Leo used for cover was one of those 3D kind, one with a lot of protruding sections to give the illusion of more going on than there actually was. They made for excellent camouflage.

Finding a spot where he blended in fairly well, Leo made himself comfortable, and settled in to watch the passing crowds while he waited.

After a few minutes, Leo shook his head, giving a quiet snort of amusement. He would never understand humans. Even if he lived to be a hundred years old, he would never, EVER, understand humans.

Why did they need a special day set aside to let someone know they were loved?

If you loved someone, really loved someone, you showed them every day. Whether you were a hundred miles apart, or lived in the same house, you showed them how much they meant to you in everything you did, and every word you spoke. In little ways, like refilling their coffee cup, or helping them with dinner even though you couldn't cook worth shit, or watching sporting events you had little interest in just to spend time with them. Or simply bringing them a blanket before they got cold so they wouldn't GET cold.

If you only showed them one day out of the year, in Leo's opinion, that wasn't loving someone.

That was just convenient sex.

Leo sighed, and checked to see if April had given the signal yet.

Nope, light was still off. He went back to people watching.

Some man had just given a girl a dozen roses. The girl was ecstatic, but the other man she was with didn't seem all that thrilled about it. He snatched those flowers out of the girl's hands, and proceeded to beat the giver over the head with them.

Impressive! Girlfriend bitch-slapped that guy so hard Leo could hear the smack all the way up where he was hiding. She must have really wanted those flowers.

Leo shook his head, the lengths humans went to for a silly romance holiday. His gaze drifted on down the street.

He really wasn't one to talk. That silly romance holiday was the reason Leo was sitting out on a billboard, in the dead of winter, waiting for April to close up shop in the first place.

Mikey loved holidays, any and ALL holidays.

Honestly, Mikey loved any reason to celebrate, no matter how insignificant the reason, or how small the celebration. Mikey just loved having fun.

And Leo loved Mikey.

So if Mikey wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day was celebrated.

That being the case, here he sat, on a billboard in February, waiting for April, so he could give Mikey a special Valentine's Day gift.

Down the street, an older looking man dropped to his knees in front of a slightly younger man. He held a tiny black box, slowly lifting the lid. The younger man, tears running down his cheeks knelt down to hug the other.

Leo wondered if the older man really understood the true significance of his lover dropping down into the melting snow with him? A smile crossed his face, he certainly hoped so.

A quick glance at April's window showed no change. Same white light shining through.

In a rare display of impatience, Leo sighed, letting his mind drift back to the reason he was sitting on the billboard in the first place.

When the brothers were younger, barely walking in fact, Splinter had found a beat-up, ripped, filthy beyond belief, stuffed panda.

Splinter had cleaned the toy, and repaired it as best he could to surprise his sons one morning when they came in for breakfast. It was sitting at the table with a red bow around it's neck.

It was as big as they were!

Like any father who loved his children, Splinter had done the best he could for his sons, which wasn't much given their circumstances, but he tried. Even at such a tender age, his sons knew this, and whatever Splinter gave them was perfect, because it was given with love.

Truthfully, the turtles knew nothing better, so it didn't really matter anyway.

They had loved that stuffed panda from the start, and shared it equally. It had been everything to them. Dragon, villain, adventure buddy, pillow, patient, hero, and comfort.

As they grew older and other things became more important, the brothers one-by-one lost interest in the stuffed animal until the youngest became the sole proprietor.

Mikey had always loved that beat-up old thing, even into his late teens.

Then their home had been destroyed. Yet again. And this time the stuffed panda didn't make it.

Wanting a respite from the painful memory, Leo checked April's window again. Still nothing.

Leo remembered seeing Mikey, standing in the middle of his room, surrounded by the wreckage of his few meager belongings, the ruins of his beloved plushie clutched in his hands. The blue banded ninja had learned the true meaning of 'heartbroken' in that very moment.

"It's no big deal," Mikey had muttered, trying to put on a brave face. "It's only stuff, right? Just some old toy. Something someone else thought wasn't worth keeping." Mikey had looked at his oldest brother with watery eyes. "It's really not now, huh?" he had sniffed. "Time to let it go, I guess."

The others knew better. No matter what he said, Mikey was devastated. Even Raph had remained silent as Mikey gently placed what was left of his beloved toy on the remains of his bed, and left the room.

A bit of the light in their baby brother had dimmed that day.

Leo swore he would bring it back. Whatever it took, however LONG it took, big brother was going to bring that spark back.

But life, and turtle luck, kept getting in the way.

There was that little trip into space. Saving the Earth a few times over. Defeating the Shredder, more than once. Going to the future. Returning. Having to find Splinter. Meeting alternate versions of themselves. Bishop. Bishop again. Bishop half a dozen more times. And on, and on, and on.

Through it all, Leo never forgot that shattered look on Mikey's face, nor the unspoken promise he had made to his baby brother.

Leo knew this gift would fulfill that promise.

The idea came to Leo in the form of a side bar ad on some random website Donnie had left up on his computer. It was for a company that restored toys of all kinds, all sizes, all conditions.

Leo fired off an email.

Their reply stated he needed to send as much information about the toy as he could. A picture would be helpful if he had one. The actual toy itself would be best.

Leo spent three days digging through the remains of their old home to find what was left of Mikey's stuffed panda.

He'd found it. Had a section of wall fall on him, peeling a layer of skin off his arm that Donnie was none too happy about, but he had found it.

Leo mailed it off. Waited as patiently as he could. And four weeks later he got a call from April telling him the restored panda had arrived.

It was perfect! Better than he could imagine. Beautiful beyond belief!

The fur was soft and fluffy. Pristine white with not a stain on it anywhere! The arms were the same length, and both feet had all three toes! Leo couldn't have asked for a better gift for his lover. He could just imagine the look on Mikey's face.

Then he saw the bill.

Three hundred dollars!

They wanted THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!

Where was he, a mutant turtle, going to come up with three hundred dollars?!

As with so many times before, April to the rescue!

Their human friend had been selling their repaired junkyard finds, and various artistic creations for years. It was a good system that greatly benefitted everyone involved. It earned the family of mutants the money they needed, and would otherwise never have, brought more customers into April's shop, and gave said customers something very unique for their homes.

The red-headed shop owner had more than tripled her profit the first two years of their joint endeavors.

Leo brought her every ink painting, and piece of calligraphy he had ever done to sell. One would have thought he had handed April a bag of money from the red-head's reaction.

Ever the honorable turtle, Leo had insisted April keep the panda until enough of his artworks had sold to pay the restoration bill.

April had called him that morning, which was good. Leo was starting to worry.

This weekend was Valentine's Day.

Leo glanced over. A huge grin spread across his face. His heart began to beat with excitement.

April's light was on. It was safe for him to come in!

April was nowhere to be seen when Leo slipped through the open window. From the muffled sounds coming from the back of the apartment, he figured she was changing. He had been waiting for six weeks, a few more minutes wouldn't hurt.

Mikey had been waiting six years.

Making his way into the kitchen, Leo grabbed an apple from the bowl on the table, and hopped up on the counter. He figured if he called out it would probably startle the red-head at best, and scare the crap out of her at worst. Or if he went looking, he would most likely end up embarrassing them both. Staying put and eating her fruit was the best option.

By the time he had nibbled his apple to little more than the stem and seeds, Leo heard soft footsteps coming up the hallway.

"Hi, April," Leo greeted as she rounded the refrigerator coming into view.

Not expecting anyone to be in her kitchen, let alone making themselves at home eating apples on her counter, and not having heard Leo come in, April squeaked, came two feet off the floor, and jumped a foot back into the living room.

All that ninja training with Splinter and the turtles seemed to be paying off. A few months ago she wouldn't have jumped nowhere near that high.

For several heartbeats all April could do was breath to try and calm her racing heart, that and glare daggers at Leo.

"Sorry," the blue ninja muttered sheepishly. "I let myself in. Didn't think you'd mind."

"Up until a few seconds ago, I didn't," April retorted, shooting the blue banded turtle one last glare.

A corner of Leo's mouth twitched. April could never stay annoyed with any of them for very long. After all, she was married to Casey, that man could test the patience of a saint.

"So?" Leo asked eagerly.

April grinned at the excitement rolling off of the normally reserved turtle. She handed Leo a stack of receipts, "Paid in full." April waited for Leo to glance through the receipts certain he would miss one very obvious detail. "What do you want me to do with the ones that didn't sell?" she asked.

Leo was surprised.

"Some didn't sell?" He looked back down at the sheets of paper he held in his hands. "What were you selling them for?"

April quickly opened the refrigerator door, ducking down so Leo wouldn't see her expression. "Just the going rate as researched online. Kiwi is going on sale this week, do you want me to pick you guys up some when I go shopping?"

Leo frowned trying to figure out how their conversation went from him paying the restoration cost of Mikey's panda to kiwi. "Huh?"

"I asked if you wanted me to pick you guys up some kiwi when I go shopping," April peeked over the top of the refrigerator door fully intending to continue teasing Leo, but his confounded expression stopped her cold. "Your face!" she burst out laughing.

Leo knew he had just been played, but still couldn't quite figure out how they had gotten there.

"Now, we're even," April chuckled, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Leo shook his head, he should have known. "Could we get back on track, please?"

"Absolutely," April said cheerily. "I researched your prints according to size and detail. I priced them accordingly to what I found. I set a sampling of your work out on display, large, small, detailed, less detailed, and let the customers browse. I put up a sign stating there were more in reserve, and if someone wanted to see them, I brought them out." April went into the living room to retrieve a large art folder. "You have quite a few left."

Leo looked through the pages in the folder. Over half of his prints were in there. "How much did you sell them for, April?"

"What the going price was for their size, and amount of detail," April said slowly, enunciating every word.

Leo leaned towards April. "How much?" he asked in an exact imitation of the red-head.

"Fifty dollars for the simple small ones. Seventy-five for the larger and the detailed small. A hundred for the detailed large," April mumbled into her hand.

"WHAT?"

"Going price, Leo!"

"How many did you sell?!" he asked flipping back through the folder, trying to remember how many he had brought over to begin with.

"Two large detailed. One small detailed. One large simple, and two small."

Leo blinked. "That's... four hundred dollars," he said softly.

April nodded. Grinning she held out five twenty dollar bills. "Here's the rest. I was thinking you might want to buy some pizza, maybe get a box of candy or two, or possibly a movie for your... celebration."

With surprisingly steady hands, Leo took the money from April, imagining all the things his family could do with an extra hundred dollars. He suddenly felt a wave of guilt.

Imagine all the things his family could do with an extra four hundred dollars.

Leo quickly squashed that train of thought. He wouldn't have ANY money for his family if he hadn't gotten Mikey's panda restored. The thought of someone wanting to buy his ink drawings had never occurred to the leaf green turtle, and they would still be sitting in his desk otherwise.

"Leo..." April was still smiling widely at him, but her eyes held a hint of concern.

"April, do you think you can sell the rest of these?" he tapped the art folder holding his prints.

"Mh-hm."

"Let me know when you get low. I'll bring you more," a very hopeful look flooded Leo's face. "We can split the money however you think fair." He pulled two bills from the ones he held, holding them out. "Is this fair for what's already sold?"

Just when April thought her friends couldn't surprise her anymore, nor her admiration for the small family of mutants couldn't get any larger, they proved her wrong.

"This money is yours, Leo," April gently pushed the two bills away. "I've already deducted my part." She grinned at Leo's confused look. "You forget I have to charge tax, and I raised the price a little to cover any extra costs to me. This is yours, free and clear."

April suddenly found herself swept up in Leo's tight embrace. Quickly overcoming her surprise she returned the hug for as long as Leo needed.

Feeling slightly embarrassed, the ninja turtle pulled back. "Can... can I get Mikey's panda?" he muttered, trying his best to subtly hide his darkening cheeks. "I don't want to intrude on any plans you may have with Casey."

"Casey wants to do something tomorrow night," April smiled. "So you're good. It'll just take a sec. I hid it in the linen closet," she called from the hallway. "Casey NEVER goes in there."

In the short time it took for April to retrieve Mikey's surprise, Leo had stopped snickering, but an amused smile still graced his features when she reentered the kitchen. He raised a questioning eyeridge when April set a poofed-out, black garbage bag on the table.

April loosened the handle ties on the trash bag, revealing another black bag underneath. This one was decorated with red and pink heart stickers along with white lace cherubs with gold glittery wings. A huge red bow held the second bag closed with a gold heart shaped tag bearing Mikey's name in big blue letters the color of Leo's mask.

"I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of wrapping it," April sounded almost apologetic. "I couldn't resist. It's all just so romantic."

Everyone who knew April knew how much the red-head loved romance in every shape and form.

Leo was deeply touched by his friend's thoughtfulness. "Thanks, April. Mikey will love it. Umm, why two bags though?"

April quickly closed the outer bag, tying the handles into a bow. "Leo, you live in a sewer, and you travel by rooftop."

The blue banded ninja didn't get it.

"Pigeons and rats."

Leo still didn't get it.

April shoved the trash bag wrapped panda into Leo's arms. "POOP!"

He got that.

Leo could still hear April's laughter as he cleared the billboard he had sat on while waiting for her signal.

As he headed home, April's words kept replaying in Leo's mind. _"...Buy some pizza, maybe get a box of candy or two, or possibly a movie for your... celebration."  
_  
The more he thought about it, the more Leo liked the idea. He did have two other brothers he loved... deeply as well. He smiled. Okay, ROMANTICALLY as well. There, he admitted it!

Even though Donnie and Raph weren't as into celebrating as Mikey, Leo knew his two middle brothers appreciated little displays of affection just as much as the youngest. Plus it was no secret Donnie had a HUGE sweet tooth, or that there were several movies newly released on DVD Raph wanted to see.

Even Master Splinter would enjoy a little something to show how much he was appreciated by his sons.

Pizza Leo would get the day of from regular household monies to keep the surprise a secret as long as possible.

Having made his decision, the blue banded ninja changed course, heading for the candy shop favored by the entire family. They made the best dark chocolate covered cashews. The owner always closed up shop at dusk. Since it was February Leo could 'shop' to his heart's content, getting just the right item for each member of his family, himself included.

Nothing wrong with a little self love after all.

Leo blushed a little remembering one of Donnie's many informative lectures when the brothers had first entered puberty.

'The Benefits of Self Love' the genius had called it.

They ended up having to take Mikey topside for "self love aids". AKA sex toys. Splinter had chuckled for two days.

Sometimes when he saw his sons limping in to breakfast in the morning, he still did.

Leo set his carefully packaged bundle in a shadowed corner on the roof of an adjoining building before slipping into the darkened candy shop. Twenty minutes later, he emerged.

After making sure the door to the candy shop was locked, and the alarm system reactivated, Leo leapt the alley to the building where he had left Mikey's gift. Opening the outer bag, he slipped five, red cellophane wrapped bundles inside.

Now for Raph's DVD.

Holding the bag against his chest, and grinning widely, Leo crossed the street and turned left. This little 'shopping' trip was quickly becoming enjoyable. Leo was actually looking forward to seeing his family's faces when he presented them with their gifts. Maybe Mikey was onto something with this holiday thing.

It took a little longer getting Raph's DVD than the blue banded turtle had anticipated. Once inside, Leo decided to get two movies for his brother instead of one, and one of them was rather hard to find. It wasn't stocked on the shelves yet.

Leo hoped the store manager wouldn't mind if he helped himself to one. Probably not, he left money for payment under the register after all. On the way out, Leo made a mental note to have Donnie check the store's website later to make sure he had left enough.

The DVD's joined the bags of candy in keeping the panda company, and Leo headed for his last stop of the night, Splinter's favorite tea shop.

Using extra care, because he was running low on funds, Leo chose two flavored teas he knew his father enjoyed, and two new incense scents for Splinter to try. With all of his purchases now made, Leo was pleasantly surprised to discover he was left with enough money to buy pizza for Valentine's Day dinner, and have a little bit to go in the household fund as well.

Not too bad for a handful of prints he did when bored, and had been sitting in his desk collecting dust.

Leo stowed the tea and incense, and checked the time. It was later than he would have liked. He would need to hurry to keep his family from worrying. It had been years since the Shredder's forces had nearly beaten Leo to death, but his brothers were still very hesitant about letting the blue banded ninja out alone. Especially Raph.

Leo decided to take a shortcut through the park. It would take at least ten minutes off his travel time.

Halfway through the park, Leo knew he wasn't going to be able to spare his family's concerns no matter how much he wanted to as terrified screams ripped through the quiet night. He quickly stashed his garbage bag of gifts in-between the protruding roots of a gnarled oak tree, and ran towards the commotion.

A short distance away, the lone ninja came upon the source of the screams. Two young women, obviously dressed for a night on the town were being harassed by four greasy-haired Purple Dragon gang members.

Leo hung back a few seconds to determine the extent of the threat. At first glance the attack seemed to be nothing more than bored punks having a little fun.

Intimidating but relatively harmless.

There would be no need for weapons, if that be the case. Secrecy would be as effective on the punks as armed force.

Strategy in place, Leo intended to make the same impression on the gang members as the gang members had made on their two victims.

Make better choices.

Then the playing field changed when one of the punks pulled a switchblade from his back pocket.

"Let's just see what's under those pretty clothes," the punk sneered.

Leo moved quickly. In one fluid motion the blue banded turtle aimed a kunai at the lone streetlight illuminating that section of the path, plunging the area into what passed as darkness in the city that never sleeps, and pulled both swords from his shell.

"Let's see what's under those filthy rags you're wearing," he said, slicing the punk's belt.

The wanna-be badass instantly lost his courage, along with his ten sizes too big pants. He turned to run only to fall on his face when his feet became entangled in the excessive fabric.

"You might do better running away if you wore clothes that actually FIT," Leo taunted, hitting the punk across his exposed backside with the flat of his sword. "Might want to invest in some drawers too. I bet that cement's cold on your itsy bits."

Leo took half a second to snicker. He could see why Mikey did that sort of thing. It was kind of fun.

With a few quick flicks of his wrists, Leo had all four punks on the run, hopefully a little smarter for the experience.

"Ladies, it might be a good idea for you to travel in less secluded, better lit places in the future."

"We will, whoever you are!"

"Thank you, Hero!"

The women spent a few minutes peering into the shadows in the hopes of catching a glimpse of their rescuer before ignoring their hero's advice and continuing on through the park.

Leo shook his head, sheathing his swords. He would never, EVER understand humans.

Reaching to retrieve his bag, Leo's phone went off. He looked at the screen, and groaned. This was NOT going to be a pleasant conversation.

"Hey..."

 _"Where da Hell are you!?"_ Raph was beyond pissed.

Leo pulled the phone away from his ear slit. "I'm fine. I'm on my way home as we speak."

 _"Dat's not... WHERE... I... DAMN!"_

There was a slight shuffling then a much calmer, through equally as distressed voice came over the phone. _"Leo?"_

"I'm okay, Donnie."

 _"Really?"_

Leo sighed. He was going to have to do some serious damage control when he got home. "Yes. Really. I ran into some Purple Dragons scaring some girls in the park, and..."

 _"The park!? Dude, the park is way outta the way from April's!"_

"I needed to pick up a few extra things, Mike. Nothing bad happened."

There was a few more seconds of silence over the line.

 _"We were simply concerned about your lateness, my son. If you are finished with your... errands, please return."_ Translation, _'We are worried sick about you boy, get the Hell home! NOW!'  
_  
"I will, Father."

Leo inwardly groaned as he tucked his phone back in his belt. Mikey and Splinter too!? He had really messed up this time.

An idea popped into Leo's head as he retied the handles on the panda bag covering. He would share the candy he had bought for himself as a peace offering. It was a simple chocolate candy, relatively inexpensive compared to the treats he had gotten the others. There would be more than enough for everyone. Besides, Leo enjoyed his treats much more when shared with his family.

As he slipped through the nearest manhole, Leo paused. Why was the top open on Mikey's panda? Leo was pretty sure he had retied it after putting Splinter's tea and incense inside, and he knew he hadn't opened it in the park.

Leo pulled the sewer cover back into place. Maybe he only thought he hadn't, he had been a bit distracted after all. No matter, Leo had his gifts, and they were fine. He had more pressing matters to attend to at the moment anyway.

In his anxiety to get home, Leo brushed aside the added movement inside the bag he carried as nothing more than the items inside shifting around as he hurried through the sewers as fast as safety allowed.

Three days later things started disappearing.

"For the hundredth time, Raph! I don't have it!"

"Like Hell ya don't, ya little twerp!"

Raph vaulted the upper level railing in a vain attempt to catch his agile baby brother as Mikey shot down the stairs heading for the living room. Leo and Donnie both looked up from their chess game just in time to see the infuriated hot-head make a wild grab for Mikey's arm. Mikey danced away laughing as Raph's fingers barely brushed his sea green skin, further enraging the emerald turtle.

"You going to do something about that?" Donnie asked, moving his bishop across the board.

Leo watched Mikey execute an Olympics worthy long jump over their patched-up sofa, Raph hot on his heels. "Nope," the leader turned back to the game. "None of my business."

Utterly surprised by his brother's answer, it took a few seconds for Leo's move to register in the genius' mind.

"Ya got my keychain, Mikey, an' I want it back! NOW!"

"Clean the wax out, man! I said I don't have it!"

"I saw ya lookin' at it yesterday! Ya took it, an' I want it back!"

Donnie looked at Leo, his next move completely forgotten.

A loud crash came from the kitchen followed by the sound of glass breaking.

"That can't be good."

"Nope." Leo shifted in his chair to see into the room his fighting brothers were holed up in.

Everything was unnaturally quiet seconds before Mikey's voice, cold as ice filled the void.

"I don't know what the Hell's wrong with you, Raphael, but I told you four times, I did NOT take you damn keychain."

Mikey rarely swore, and never when angry.

Leo turned to Donnie. "Things just got worse," he said, a hint of concern in his voice.

With a familiarity born from years of anticipating one another's moves, Leo and Donnie headed for the kitchen, their chess game forgotten. They arrived in time to see Mikey round the end of the kitchen table, and shove a stunned Raphael in the chest.

"Want to know WHY I don't have your stupid keychain, Raph? Huh!? Well, I'm going to tell you!" Mikey jabbed a finger against his brother's plastron. "One, it isn't MINE! I was looking at it admiring Donnie's craftsmanship! Two, Donnie made it for YOU, not me! If I wanted one all I had to do was ASK. Don would make one suited for ME!" Mikey's voice had reached peak levels, booming throughout the lair. "And third! I AM **NOT** A THIEF YOU STUPID, MORONIC, JERK-FACED, CREEP!"

"Mikey..."

"Michelangelo..."

"That is enough!" Leonardo and Splinter said at the same time.

It took conscious effort for Leo not to take an involuntary step back when Mikey spun around at the sound of his and their father's voices. Never had the oldest seen such pure rage on the face of one of his brothers. Raph at his most enraged had never come close to the fury pounding off the youngest Hamato brother right now.

Before either authority figure could say another word, Donnie stepped up, placing himself between his fighting siblings. He placed a calming hand on Raph's shoulder, pulling the emerald turtle's attention away from Mikey. His other arm, Don draped around Mikey's shoulders gently coaxing his baby brother to put some space between himself and Raphael. Mikey moved willingly enough although his body remained rigid with anger.

"Michelangelo," Splinter began softly. "Please explain the reason for your outburst."

Donnie bit back a sigh. In that one sentence, his father had unknowingly erased any calm the genius had set in place.

"That...THAT..."

Leo briefly considered reminding his baby brother just who Mikey was talking to. But apparently, even in his rage, Mikey knew better than to be disrespectful to their father.

"TURTLE... accused me of STEALING his stupid keychain!" Mikey turned to glare at Raph. "I'm no THIEF!"

"No you are not, my son," Splinter said soothingly. The ninja master turned to his emerald son. "Raphael, on what evidence do you place these accusations?"

Raph scowled at the floor, arms crossed over his plastron. "I wasn't accusin' anyone a stealin'. Raph looked at his father and brothers from under his eyeridges. "But I wouldn't put it past him ta take it fer a prank. He was interested in it, an' we all know if Mikey's interested in somet'in', he's gonna pull a prank with it."

"I said I didn't have it!" Mikey shot back.

"No, ya don't!" Raph matched his brother volume for volume. "Ya hid it somewhere! Syntax, Michelangelo. Ya use it all da time ta get yerself off da hook! Yer a pro at it!"

Mikey opened his mouth only to close it with an audible snap. Raph was right. That scenario was something Mikey would do, and often did. The sea green turtle had even thought about it, but in the end decided not to. Mikey had seen how much that little keychain Donnie had made meant to his brother.

"I didn't take it," Mikey said sullenly. "Not for a prank, or any other reason."

"Den where'd it go?" There was nothing accusing in Raph's voice, only honest curiosity.

For several heartbeats no one said a word, all wondering the same thing.

"Could you have misplaced it?"

Everyone turned to Donnie. The olive turtle was propped against the counter, arm crossed over his chest, hand cupping his elbow. His chin rest in the palm of his propped arm, a glazed look in his eyes. The classic look of Donatello working something out.

"No," Raph said once he realized his processing brother couldn't see his head shake. "I was gonna put my bike keys on it dis mornin' after practice, so I left it in da bowl Mikey gave me I keep on my dresser."

Mikey was surprised. "Dude, that was like three years ago."

Raph shrugged. He could recite every gift his brothers had given him from the time they were three years old. The gift may be long gone, but Raph still remembered each and every one in vivid detail, including how they were wrapped.

Donnie raised his eyes. "Is anyone else missing anything?" he asked the rest of his family.

"Don, what are you getting at?" Leo asked.

"Raph's keychain is missing. It's small, and made of metal. I'm missing several items from my lab. Also small, also made of metal. I know I closed both doors to the lab last night, and they were still closed this morning when I went in. I also know I went to bed after everyone else last night, and was up before all of you this morning. I would say it is safe to assume none of you entered the lab during my absence."

"So yer sayin' we got a thief runnin' 'round da lair?"

"It wouldn't be the first time."

"Donnie, all five of us are trained ninja, I think we'd know if someone else was in the lair." Leo wasn't dismissing his brother's theory, but was rather searching for a more concrete reasoning. Donnie tended to skim over the details when theorizing.

"If the intruder was human, or even from OUR universe, I would agree with you, Leo. Over the last three years alone how many times have we been accosted by beings from other realities, dimensions, or planets we had difficulty identifying?"

"He's got you there, bro." Mikey sounded like his normal happy-go-lucky self again.

"If the current issue has been resolved," Splinter looked pointedly at Raph and Mikey. "Might I suggest we check the lair for missing items. It would be wise to determine if we have an intruder as quickly as possible." With that Splinter turned and left, heading for his room.

Leo looked at his brightly banded brothers. "You two good?"

Mikey looked at Raph, obviously waiting for something.

"I never thought ya were a thief, Mike. Yer too honorable fer dat," Raph said clear enough for all to hear. "I honestly thought it was jus' a prank."

Raph suddenly found himself in a somewhat restricting chokehold cleverly disguised as an exuberant Mikey hug.

"Yeah, we're good, Leo," Mikey grinned, loosening his hold just enough for Raph to draw a breath. "Thinking you thought I'd steal from you hurt more than you not believing me, Raphie. I'd never do that to my brother," Mikey added just loud enough for only Raph to hear.

"I'm sorry, little brother. I shouldn't a overreacted," Raph nuzzled his face in the crook of Mikey's neck. "Love ya."

Leo and Donnie left the kitchen, giving their brothers a bit of needed privacy.

"I wonder when they'll realize we all four have excellent hearing?" Donnie grinned.

"I hope never," Leo smiled back. "I like hearing Raph be like that. Should we check the lab again?"

Donnie stopped in front of the lab's doors. "I don't see what good that would do. There's so much in there it would take hours to find anything of significance missing, and we already know things are missing from in there. I think our time would be better spent checking the bedrooms, and common spaces."

"I agree." Leo led the way upstairs to the brothers' bedrooms. "I'd guess it'll take you longer to check your room than it will me to check mine." Leo's smirk turned into a chuckle at the look Donnie shot his way. "Meet you in the bathroom before heading back down?"

Donnie couldn't resist giving Leo one last glare before disappearing inside his room.

Once inside, Donnie's frown turned into a sheepish grin. Leo was right, Donnie's room was a minor disaster.

Disaster thought it may be, the genius knew exactly what was in there, and quickly picked up on several items missing. For the first time since their return from the future, Donnie felt uncomfortable being alone in his own space. Moving slightly quicker than necessary, the purple banded ninja left his room and headed for the bathroom, secretly hoping his big brother was already there.

Leo felt it the second he entered his room. Someone, or some THING other than him had been inside. Nothing looked disturbed, but a quick glance revealed two of Leo's calligraphy tips missing from the tray he kept them in. The broken buckle he had replaced on his sword harness was missing from his bedside table as well.

Items were now confirmed missing from the team leader, and second-in-command.

It was now a whole new ballgame.

Leo's first instinct was to assume they were under attack by a new enemy, or an old enemy with a new tactic. Leaving his room, Leo made a bee-line for the bathroom. He knew there would be more missing items throughout the lair, and hopefully those items would shed some light on who, or what they were up against.

The second he stepped into the bathroom, Leo found himself face-to-face with the business end of Donnie's bo staff.

"Sorry," Donnie mumbled, turning back to the cabinet he had been searching.

It was surprising to Leo to see Donnie react so aggressively when he entered the room. The family genius was the one who usually stayed calm regardless of the chaos raging around him. But what was most disturbing was the haunted look Leo saw in Donnie's eyes.

"Don?"

"I feel violated, Leo!" Donnie burst out. "Every time! Every time we find a new home, someone comes along and destroys it! Destroying everything! Everything, right down to the smallest sense of security we have!"

Now Leo understood.

Dropping to his knees, Leo pulled Donnie close. Donnie's mind was a formidable force, and the olive turtle wielded it with such unsurpassed skill and efficiency that Leo often forgot beneath it all Donnie was simply his brother. His brother who needed reassurances and comfort as much as the other two, and because of his mind, sometimes more.

"It'll be alright, Don. I promise." Leo didn't make promises easily. Promises were important things never to be broken, more so when made to a family member. "We'll find who, or what is behind this, and remove whatever threat they pose."

Donnie allowed himself to remain in the comfort of his brother's embrace a few seconds more before pulling away. "Thank you," he mumbled, refusing to meet Leo's gaze.

Leo knew Donnie was embarrassed and would need time to fully compose himself. He returned to the topic at hand, mindful to keep a light touch on his brother just in case Donnie was pushing himself more than he should, which the genius had a tendency to do. A lot.

"Find anything interesting?"

"There were things missing from my room, five to be exact, and so far I've found two items missing from here. The spare plug chain for the sink, and one of the extra tub strainers."

"Small and metal," Leo's brow furrowed like it always did when the leader was forming a plan. "Are you okay to check the garage by yourself?" Leo asked gently.

"Absolutely." Donnie sounded like his normal self, but Leo caught the brief hitch in his brother's breathing.

"You know that space best, Donnie. It'll just take a quick look around for you. We only need to know if something is missing, not what, nor how many."

"You seem certain something will be missing."

"Aren't you?"

Donnie couldn't help the small smile that crossed his face. Leo knew him too well.

"On your way back down, haul Mike out of his room, then go check the living room. I'll get Raph, check the dojo, then Splinter. We'll meet back in the kitchen. I want go over what we found, and formulate a plan to catch who's behind this."

Donnie nodded once before heading for the garage.

Leo watched Donnie's back until the olive turtle disappeared around the corner.

Leo was furious. He had went to a lot of effort to make this Valentine's Day special for his family. Especially Mikey. And there was no way he was about to let it be ruined by some unknown sneak thief! Not this time!

Leo turned, and with an air of determination headed back downstairs.

Not ever again!

In the kitchen, Mikey had Raph pushed up against the corner of the counter, and was sitting in his emerald brother's arms. Mikey's legs were crossed around Raph's carapace, and Leo assumed his tongue was in Raph's mouth considering there wasn't enough space between the two to slip in a sheet of paper.

Resisting the urge to smile, Leo cleared his throat. Getting absolutely no reaction whatsoever from his kissing brothers, Leo made the sound again, only slightly louder. This time the blue leader got a reaction. Raph flipped him off with both hands, and Mikey turned around giving his oldest brother a cheesy grin.

Leo couldn't help it, an uncontrollable snicker burst out. A saliva band dangled between his brothers' mouths, neither one aware of it.

Raph rolled his eyes, swiping away the spit string after Leo pointed it out.

Big brother finally got his chuckles under control. "Mike, I want you to go check your room for anything missing. When you're done, check the living room with Donnie. He's checking the garage right now."

The sea green turtle hopped down out of Raph's arms. "On it, boss-man!"

Leo reached out stopping Mikey before he left the room. "Mike, Donnie's feeling it again."

Mikey drew a deep breath. "Don't worry, Leo," he placed a hand over the one on his shoulder. "I got this."

Raph gave Leo a questioning look after Mikey left.

Leo shrugged. "Things were missing from his room," he said in way of explanation.

Raph nodded, his expression saying it all.

"What did you and Mikey find missing in here?"

Raph picked up on the fact Leo didn't ask IF anything was missing, but rather WHAT was missing. "A couple measurin' spoons Mikey had drying in da drainer. An'..." It was plain to see Raph was uncomfortable about what he was going to say next. "Sensei's tea strainer."

If not for Donnie being upset, Leo would have felt immensely sorry for their thief. Stealing Splinter's tea strainer was nothing short of suicidal. The only one allowed to touch it was Splinter. The rat didn't even let Leo use it.

Leo headed for the door, "Come on, let's search the dojo, then check on Splinter. I want to devise a plan to catch whoever this is over lunch. I don't want Donnie nervous in his own home."

Raph placed a hand on Leo's shoulder, stopping the leaf green turtle from entering the dojo. "Not yer fault, Leo."

Angry hazel locked with amber. "Yeah, right. Tell me that when Donnie's chewing his fingertips to a bloody mess again because he can't handle being alone, and he won't ask one of us to stay close to him because he's afraid we'll think he's a coward."

Raph watched as Leo walked into the dojo. He had nothing to say. Leo was right.

"Here you go, luncheon is served!"

"Mikey, you have outdone yourself this time," Donnie praised, inhaling the delicious aroma as his brother placed a steaming dish on the table.

"Why thank you, monsieur." Mikey grinned, giving a flourished bow. "Don't wait on me, guys," he said picking up a tray from the counter. "I'm going to take Sensei his then I'll be back. Just leave me one end of the garlic bread, RAPH!"

Said emerald turtle scowled, but put one of the two end pieces on his bread plate back in the basket.

"Why isn't Sensei eating with us?" Leo asked, dishing up generous portions to his brothers.

"There's an unscheduled Gilmore Girls Valentine's Day marathon running today, in sequence, and he wants to see them all. He's worried he may have missed one," Donnie answered taking the plate Leo handed him. "How hungry do you think we are, Leo?"

"There's a full pot sitting over there on the stove. I looked, so there's plenty. We can afford to have a little more every now and then." Leo looked up, giving his genius brother a sly wink. "Besides I fully intend for us to work it off."

Donnie's face turned three shades darker.

"Just how do ya intend ta do dat, Leo?" Raph asked taking his own plate. "Practice? Patrol? Or procreation?"

Grinning widely, Leo didn't miss a beat. "All three."

Raph threw back his head and laughed. It wasn't often his reserved older brother let himself be vulgar, or rather what passed for vulgar in Leo's opinion.

Donnie took a bite, humming appreciatively. "Mikey, this is delicious! What's in here?"

"Well, plain, old, boring spaghetti with an almond and tomato pesto. It's so easy anyone but Leo can make it."

"Hey! I can cook!"

"Only if it's cereal," Raph snickered.

Leo shook his head good naturedly. Why fight it?

"Alright, guys. Let's get down to business. I want this resolved tonight," the leader said, his demeanor having changed ever so slightly.

"Something was taken from every room in the lair," Donnie said, picking apart a piece of bread. "All of the items are made of metal, and small. So small in fact they could have easily been hidden inside someone's mouth."

"Why would someone hide metal stuff in their mouth?" Mikey asked, sliding a small bowl of almonds he hadn't used in the pasta closer to Donnie. The family chef knew when upset Donnie liked to keep his hands busy, and hopefully with the almonds there Donnie might actually EAT something.

"If the thief moved on four feet, carrying objects in their mouth makes perfect sense."

"We got any old enemies who fit da bill?" Raph poked his fork around in his pasta. "Any still in a position a power dat is."

"Not that I know of," Leo glanced at Donnie for confirmation.

"There was that race of intelligent guinea pigs on that heavily vegetative planet," Donnie said. "They hadn't achieved space travel, or portal technology, but they did carry all kinds of items in their mouths."

All three of Donnie's brothers stared at him. Raph's mouth was open in mid bite, the edge of his bread touching his lip. A piece of pasta fell off of Mikey's fork, landing with a quiet splat on the edge of his plate. Leo blinked a few times, his hand suspended in mid-air, reaching for his glass.

"Guinea pigs? Really?"

"What?" Donnie popped an almond into his mouth. "You asked."

Leo took a drink to cover his momentary whatever the Hell it was he had going on. Raph made a very good point. Guinea pigs?

"I... umm... I don't think that guinea pig race COULD be behind this," he carefully set his glass back on the table. "Donnie's right. They don't have very advanced technology."

They barely had a language.

"Let's look at what we have. All the items were small, and metal. What about where they were placed when they went missing? Any clues there?"

"My keychain was in a bowl on top a my dresser."

"My pen tips were in a tray on desk, and the broken buckle was on my bedside table."

"The items from the lab were located on my worktable, and the items from my room were on a shelf unit."

"Da stuff in da dojo was hangin' on da wall."

"The things from the kitchen were over there in the drainer," Mikey used his fork to point. "And the stuff from my room was just lying on the floor."

"Everything seems to have been located on a wooden surface, easily scaled by a large number of species," Donnie pointed out.

"Here's an idea guys, instead of chasing zebras, maybe we should be looking for horses. Could we just have a plain old pack rat running around?"

Raph shook his head. "Astoundin'."

"Yep."

"Uh-hu."

Mikey inclined his head every so slightly in a subtle bow before shoving the last three bites of his bread in his mouth at the same time.

Leo looked to his genius brother. "So, how do we go about catching a pack rat, Donnie?"

Leaving the security of their home in the more than capable hands of his sons, Splinter watched his program, and enjoyed the oh-so-delicious meal his youngest son had provided. He had to admit, Michelangelo had outdone himself. The pasta dish was fantastic.

Sipping his tea, Splinter sighed in contentment. A full stomach. Flavorful tea. A warm home with comfortable furniture. Riveting entertainment. Four honorable, and skilled sons. What more could a rat ask for?

Some chocolate would be nice. Splinter's whiskers twitched at the thought. Some nice dark chocolate with a hint of orange or peppermint flavoring would be the icing on the cake, so to say.

Chuckling softly, Splinter set his teacup back on his lunch tray. He was too full at the moment to fully appreciate anything sweet. And unless his senses were wrong, which they rarely were, Leonardo had more chocolate tucked away in his room. Since today was Valentine's Day, Splinter was pretty certain his oldest son would be bringing that chocolate out in a few hours to share.

He could wait. After all, patience is a virtue.

Splinter settled back on the sofa, tucking a blanket around himself to ward off the sewer's ever present chill as his marathon resumed. With his attention once again fully focused on his program, the ninja master failed to notice the tiny creature slowly creeping across the floor.

Splinter never picked up on the clicking of long claws on the cement floor. He missed the scratching of those claws as the creature scurried up the leg of the end table next to the sofa. The rattle of china as the tiny creature crossed his lunch tray never registered to the sharp eared rat.

Splinter became very aware of the creature when it ran up the sleeve of his robe, and shot across his shoulders.

Donnie was discussing the final stages of his pack rat trap with his brothers when their father's terrified yowl tore through the lair. All four leapt from the table, tipping over chairs, scattering silverware, and dumping plates. They came to a screeching halt just behind the sofa searching frantically for who or what threatened their father.

Splinter didn't appear to be in any danger, unless it was throwing a hip out of joint. He was acting more along the lines of the center attraction in a mosch pit.

"What da Hell?"

"You got here before I did."

"Could he be having some kind of... seizure?"

"It looks to me like a weed whacker's went off in his BVD's."

That summed it up pretty well.

Splinter was hopping around in front of the TV array, first on one foot then the other. His arms were flailing about. His tail would whip up and down before undulating with the grace of a snake being chased by a lawn mower along the floor. His ears were flat against his head. His whiskers twitched as he went from snarling and spitting like a cornered rat to yowling as if an elephant had stomped on his foot. All the while, the rat kept tugging and pulling on his robe in a vain attempt to get it off.

"He'd make better progress if he'd undo his belt," Raph observed. "T'ink we should tell him?"

"Naw, he's good. He's got moves going on out there I've never seen before," Mikey grinned. "Maybe we should record it. Put it up on YouTube."

"Mikey..." Donnie tried to admonish his little brother, but Mikey was right. Why deny it?

This was funny as Hell.

"Guys, we need to do something. To HELP," Leo frowned at Mikey, who tried to discretely slip his phone back into his belt pouch. "Sensei may be under attack, and we just can't see it."

"Leo's right guys! Sensei could be under attack. Or have an itch he can't reach. Or trying for a spot on Soul Train."

Mikey figured he'd better tone it down, Leo looked like he was about two seconds away from Soul Training HIM.

"Jus' how do ya suggest we go 'bout dat, Leo. Da way he's hoppin' 'round out dere he's as likely to t'ink we're attackin' him as helpin' him."

"Oh for..." Leo rubbed at the space between his eyes. "Donnie, circle around to the left. Mikey, you approach from the front. Raph, you take this side, and I'll come up from behind. If you can, grab ahold of him so the rest of us can get his robe off."

Cautiously, the turtles moved into position. Leo's brothers weren't too sure of their leader's plan, but the leaf green turtle had pulled them out of some pretty sticky situations before. Surely Leo could handle something as simple as their father being attacked by a weed whacker to the groin. Or demonic possession. Both looked about the same in their opinion.

Out of the corner of his eye, Splinter saw his sons' careful approach. He wanted to call out to them, but this horrid, little, shit thing attacking him had some sharp ass claws! And Splinter's "BVD's" were none too thick. He couldn't stop yowling in pain long enough to get any words out.

Splinter refused to even think about the humiliation he would have to endure if he had to ask Donatello to check his privates for damage. The rat was pretty sure Donatello wouldn't much appreciate checking his father's ball sack for damage either.

Finally!

Splinter felt his belt release. The loud ripping noise right before the front of his robe fell open didn't sound too good, but at this point he didn't care. He just wanted that rabid, insane, fur-covered, octopus thing from Hell out of his clothes!

Having jumped around all over the place, Splinter was understandably unsure of his location within the lair. Not that it really mattered. He just needed a firm place to stand, nothing more. He could now get rid of whatever this thing was, and ninja it's ass into a greasy smear on the floor! How dare it attack him in his own home!

Fueled by righteous indignation, Splinter flung his robe off not caring where it landed.

It landed on top of Leo.

Leo saw his father heading at rapid speed towards the lair's pool. If Splinter fell in while still under attack, the outcome could be disastrous. With a burst of speed, Leo rushed his father, fully intending to grab his master, and pull him away from the pool.

Instead of grabbing his father's robe, Splinter's robe grabbed Leo.

When Splinter's robe settled on Leo's head, the turtle's hearing and eyesight were greatly restricted. The only sound coming through loud and clear was an unsettling chittering noise coming from inside the robe itself. Leo couldn't see the thing, but soon discovered those chittering noises were linked to a skittering creature who also seemed thrilled about being hidden in the shadows of Splinter's robe.

Leo quickly understood why his father had been jumping around, this... THING was everywhere! It clawed at his face, his arms, his groin, literally everywhere. Seemingly at the same time!

"Woah, dudes! Sensei's robe is like possessed by Michael Jackson! First it had Splinter bumping and grinding, and now it's got Leo's busting a move! Go, turtle, go! Shake that money maker!"

He wasn't sure what qualified as a money maker on a mutant turtle, but when whatever this thing was started heading down his shell, Leo got a pretty good idea.

Grabbing wildly Leo tried to pull Splinter's robe off his head, and keep whatever it was away from his tail at the same time. It wasn't working out very well, all he was accomplishing was making himself dizzy going around in circles.

"Right on, dude! SPANK THAT MONKEY!"

"I don't think Leo's dancing, Mikey!" Donnie wasn't sure whether he should laugh, shout directions, help, or stay the Hell out of the way.

Raph gave up the fight several moves ago, and was now draped over the sofa guffawing for all he was worth.

Quickly realizing his error in blindly tossing his robe, Splinter rushed towards his eldest son, hoping to prevent Leo from falling into the pool. The ninja master was also fully aware of the danger of Leo falling into the pool while hindered by that demon infested robe.

Right when Splinter reached for his son, the unthinkable happened.

Leo figured out exactly what a turtle's money maker was.

Howling for all he was worth, Leo spun around trying to pry that tail-eating thing off his ass. He scared the shit out of his brothers, and elbowed his father in the snout in the process.

Startled by Leo's unearthly scream, Donnie jumped straight up. He spun his bo around in front of himself, getting into position for an attack that wasn't coming. As he shifted his stance, the olive turtle made a slight miscalculation upon landing. To keep from falling, Donnie adjusted his center to remain balanced by tipping his bo backwards, hitting Raph square on the tail.

Raph came straight up off the sofa, sai in hand, and stabbing at whatever happened to be near. He killed the TV array with deadly accuracy.

Leo finally got Splinter's robe off his head, flinging it as far from himself as he could. As the robe fluttered to the floor, the tail attacking monster within sailed gracefully through the air, sparks from the dying TVs showering down around it.

"Guys, is that a..."

"It's a squirrel," Donnie watched in awe as the rodent glided by.

"An' it's smokin'."

"Squirrels have been known to move fairly quick, but I wouldn't say they're 'smoking', Raph."

"No, Donnie! It's SMOKIN'!"

The olive genius looked again. Sure enough, a thin trail of smoke curled up from the fur on the tip of the animal's tail.

"It's going to burn the lair down!"

"It's NOT going to burn the lair down, Mikey! It's made of cement and metal! But that spark in it's fur isn't going to do the squirrel any good!"

"Just catch it!"

Donnie, Mikey, and Raph turned to see Leo climbing out of the pool.

"Not the best a times to be taking a swim, bro," Mikey then noticed Splinter lying on the floor, dabbing at a bloody snout. "Or to be punching Sensei in the nose! It wasn't his fault, dude!"

"I didn't punch Sensei in the nose! And I wasn't going for a swim!" Leo knelt down to check his father's injury. "I fell in," he mumbled.

"Super ninja fell in?" Raph sputtered.

"Would you three just get the damn squirrel!?" Leo shouted.

Grabbing Raph and Mikey by the arm, Donnie steered them towards the kitchen.

"Ya sure it went dis way, Don?"

"I have no clue," the olive turtle confessed. "I just knew if I didn't get the two of you out of there, Leo was going to kill you both. And if he didn't, I WAS!"

Oh, a mad Donatello was a scary thing to behold.

Mikey took a step away from his brother, bumping into the edge of the counter. He reached back, grabbing hold of the countertop to balance himself only to become a runway springboard for the berserker squirrel.

Mikey now knew why his father and oldest brother reacted the way they had. This thing had some killer claws!

With a shout, the orange banded ninja lunged for the runaway squirrel, trying to catch it as it sailed through the air. He missed the squirrel completely, and his hand landed in the pot of pasta sitting forgotten on the stove.

Luckily, the pot had had time to cool so Mikey was in no danger of getting burned.

Unluckily, Mikey's foot landed smack in the middle of a pile of pasta dumped on the floor in the mad dash to save Splinter from the killer squirrel.

When his leg shot out from under him, Mikey grabbed the lip of the sink with his free hand, hanging on for dear life. It was then he discovered more than one plate of pasta had landed in the floor as his other foot began to go in the opposite direction from the first.

Not wanting to do his body irreparable damage trying to demonstrate some weird pasta slide split, the agile turtle twisted his body to bring his other hand around to grab onto the other side of the sink. With both hands securely anchored, Mikey knew it would be a simple task to get his feet back under him, regain his balance, and continue the squirrel chase.

The only problem was when Mikey brought his other hand around to grab the sink, he brought the pot of pasta with him.

Not one bit of pasta fell out of that pot as it moved through the air. It waited until it hit Raph's head then dumped it's entire contents. Mikey kind of figured that was a good thing though, because when the pot hit him, the squirrel jumped off Raph's head where it had been running laps for the last five minutes.

Raph had several three fingered handprints imprinted on his head, evidence of the emerald turtle's efforts to catch the crazed rodent.

Donnie was so glad he chose to stand by the doorway. Right up until he saw the maniac squirrel heading his way.

After having seen the attacks perpetrated on his brothers, Donnie wanted no part of that animal. He took a firm grip on his bo fully confident he could easily hit that tiny, fast moving fur-covered target.

In planning his counterattack, Donnie forgot one very important fact about squirrels. Squirrels jump.

The purple ninja quickly deduced he was no longer holding a life saving weapon he could use to protect his family, but rather a squirrel version of the highway to Hell, which lead right to Donnie's face.

Which was the preferred location of insane berserker squirrels if observation was to be believed.

Donnie's mind quickly drew the one and only possible conclusion. Lose the bo!

He did.

Mikey's eyes went unnaturally wide as Donnie's bo shot by barely half an inch from the end of the sea green turtle's beak.

The squirrel was hanging ten with all the skill of a professional North Shore surfer.

Seconds later it felt like the North Shore had relocated to New York City.

The end of Donnie's bo hit the faucet handle for the kitchen sink, turning it on. Usually that wouldn't be a big deal. Water would go into the sink, and on down the drain. No problem whatsoever.

Except when you had a prankster brother whose turn it was to cook, and an emerald skinned brother, who happened to be the preferred target of the prankster brother, whose turn it was to do the dishes.

Mikey had tied a band around the sprayer to prank Raph when the red banded turtle went to do the lunch dishes. Obviously, they hadn't made it that far yet, so the prank was still very much in place.

Raph's temper had been well into feeling the strain of confinement, due to the stress of dealing with the squirrel when the pasta pot hit him in the head. Upon impact that temper broke loose in all it's raging glory, having finally had enough.

"I'm gonna kill dat fuc..." Raph's threat was cut short by the sprayer water hitting him full in the mouth.

"I didn't think it'd work THAT good!" Mikey snickered, trying to slid his feet back together, and stand up.

Spitting and sputtering Raph slipped and slid over to the sink, yanking the faucet handle down to shut off the water. He stood there a minute, a crazed look in his amber eyes as his breath came out in wet snorts.

He kind of resembled a raging bull about to charge in Donnie's opinion. He sort of pitied Mikey.

And the squirrel.

On second thought, maybe not so much the squirrel.

"Well," Mikey said still struggling to get both feet under him. "At least it'll be easy to follow now."

Donnie looked down. Sure enough, little red feet prints led out of the kitchen into the living room. Retrieving his bo, he took off in pursuit.

"Did you catch that thing?" Leo demanded when Donnie neared the pool.

"I'm tracking it now."

"Tracking it..."

Donnie didn't respond continuing to follow the pesto sauce footprint trail.

Leo started when Splinter touched his shoulder. "Go help your brother, my son. Capture this diabolical creature, and remove it from our home. This is not the first bloody nose I have had in my lifetime," Splinter added, seeing Leo's hesitation. "And I doubt it will be the last, all things considered."

With a nod, Leo stood, and followed after his brother, his larger wet footprints mingling with those of the pesto covered squirrel.

Leo found Donnie standing outside Leo's room, hand on the doorknob ready to go inside.

"It's in there?" Leo asked.

"It's in there."

"Any idea how to catch it?"

"Not a clue."

They both stared at the door, listening to the quiet scratching coming from inside.

"Leo..."

"Yeah?"

"Is it wrong of me to want to kill this thing, and eat it?"

Leo raised an eyeridge at his brother. "You want to... EAT... it?"

Donnie turned to look at his brother, a slightly maniacal look in his eyes. "No! I don't want to eat it! I want to kill it! Cremate the damn thing! Then spread it's ashes all over the forest to send a message to the rest of those rotten little fluffy-tailed rats!" Donnie was silent for a few seconds, catching his breath. "Do you think that's a little extreme?"

"Maybe a little." Leo was beginning to wonder if his genius brother had finally snapped. Geniuses tended to do that when under a lot of stress, if the media was to be believed.

And this whole squirrel caper was definitely stressful.

Donnie slowly opened the bedroom door, keeping an eye on the floor in case the crazed little furry demon darted out. After slipping inside, Leo closed the door behind them.

"Where do you think it could be?"

Donnie slowly turned to look at his brother. Leo immediately wished he'd just kept his mouth shut.

"Do I look like Dr. Dolittle?"

Oh, a mad Donatello was a scary thing to behold. Squirrel be damned, Leo just wanted to make it out of this mess alive, and in one piece.

Donnie sighed. "I'm sorry." He wasn't really mad at his brother, so why take it out on poor Leo. "It's just... Never mind. My guess is since it's been flung around, screamed at, grabbed, scorched, had pasta thrown on it, dropped, and almost drowned, It's returned to the one place it feels safest. I'd say it has made a nest in here somewhere, and that's where we'll find it."

"A nest..." Leo looked around his room as if half expecting to be inundated with tiny, featherless, chirping birds. ""How'd it make a nest in MY room? WHY'D it make a nest in MY room?"

"Maybe this was the first place it saw after entering the lair." Donnie gingerly lifted the corner of Leo's blanket, checking underneath the bedframe. "Have you brought anything in, in the last few days?"

Leo's eyes grew wide. He stared numbly watching Donnie check behind his dresser.

"Mikey's gift." Donnie looked up raising a questioning eyeridge. "I got Mikey something special for Valentine's Day, and the squirrel could have hidden inside the bag."

"We'll check that next, because it doesn't seem to be hiding out here."

As soon as Leo pulled the garbage bag wrapped gift from his closet, he knew Donnie was right. Not only was the bag noticeably heavier, it rattled. There was a small, ragged hole where one corner had been chewed open.

Leo looked at Donnie. "Ready?"

Donnie nodded, holding up one of Leo's blankets. "Ready."

Leo opened the bag, and the squirrel wrangling was on.

Raph stomped up the stairs. With each step he took, the emerald turtle imagined the squirrel sitting on the riser being ground into paste under his feet.

Raph was pissed. That squirrel had made him look like a fool, stolen his keychain, and ruined lunch. That pasta was good, dammit! And Raph had only gotten two mouthfuls. TWO mouthfuls!

When he got ahold of that damn squirrel, he was going to take that thing and give it to Leatherhead... On a stick!

At the top of the stairs, Raph's didn't even pause. He had no clue which room Leo and Don were in, but the emerald turtle would check every one if he had to. That squirrel was HIS!

"Leo! Stop pushing! I'm not ready!"

"You said you were! That's why I pushed!"

"I didn't know it was that big! I've got it now. Let's try this again."

Raph gave the closed door of Leo's bedroom a shocked look when a loud grunt came from inside the room. That didn't sound like squirrel catching to him.

"Don, you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"I'm alright. Just tell me how you kept something that big hidden."

Raph heard Leo snicker. "I have my ways."

"Raph, dude! Where'd you..."

Raph made shushing sounds motioning for Mikey to be quiet. He waved his baby brother over, pointing to Leo's bedroom door. "Listen!"

Mikey scrunched down, pressing his ear to the door.

"I think we'll get it to go all the way in if we try one more time," Donnie said.

"I hope so, because as much as I'm enjoying this, I've got other things to do."

Mikey looked at Raph. The emerald turtle nodded. Mikey shook his head and went back to listening.

"Left! More to the left, Leo!" Donnie groaned as if in pain.

"I can't! I don't have enough room! Help me out! Shift a little bit to the right!"

"That's got it!"

There was a brief moment of silence then...

"Stop whipping that thing around Don! You almost took my eye out!"

"Sorry. I didn't think it was that long! Move your foot! You're about to step on it!"

"Oops, my bad. Wow, Don, that IS long!"

Mikey couldn't take it anymore. He opened the door to see Donnie standing at the foot of Leo's bed holding a blanket with Leo at the head of the bed holding one of his spare sheaths.

"MIKEY!" they shouted in unison. "CLOSE THE DOOR!"

Just as Mikey reached for the doorknob, the squirrel shot out between his legs, heading back downstairs with Raph hot on it's heels.

"Sorry, guys, but," Mikey couldn't help but snicker. "You have no idea what that sounded like from the other side."

"Tell us later!" Donnie fumed, racing downstairs.

Mikey looked questioningly at Leo, pointing his thumb at Donnie's receding shell.

"He's mad at the squirrel."

As if on cue, Raph trademark battle cry rolled throughout the lair.

"So's Raph," Mikey muttered.

Having donned a fresh robe, Splinter wasn't too surprised to see his sons running around the lair in what could easily be described as a spoof of any number of football plays. After twenty-one years of raising those boys, things like this seemed normal to the rat daddy now. What made this time interesting was watching the squirrel dashing around easily avoiding all four of his sons.

Splinter shook his head. Obviously a lesson in brains over brute force was in order for tomorrow's training session.

Leaving his sons to their exercise, the ninja master carefully laid a trail of almonds, walnuts, peanuts, and metal nuts from Donatello's lab around the front of the sofa, and into a live capture cage the family used to remove the mice and rats from their home.

The thought of injuring a relative, no matter how distant, did not sit well with the mutant rodent.

"My sons, herd the animal in this direction!" Splinter called, tossing a small handful of his nut mix towards the open space of the living room. "Use caution! Do not frighten it into hiding again!"

With a great deal of stomping and weapon banging, the turtles managed to maneuver the squirrel towards the sofa. Once the little beast picked up on the treats laid out before him, he began to move in earnest.

All five felt a rush of pure joy at the quiet click of the cage door closing.

Splinter triumphantly held up the cage, the squirrel trapped safely inside.

"What do we do with it now?" Mikey asked, dropping a few peanuts inside, along with a couple of metal nuts.

"Skin it alive," Raph growled, scratching at some dried pesto sauce on his arm.

"We can't kill it!" Mikey wailed. "It's Valentine's Day! The day of universal love!"

"Does that mean we can kill it tomorrow?"

"We are not going to kill it," Leo looked pointedly at his two middle brothers. "We are going to set it free, AFTER we make sure it isn't injured."

Mikey jumped up, wrapping his arms around Leo's neck. "I knew you'd be on my side! I just knew you loved Valentine's Day as much as me!"

Leo chuckled as he returned Mikey's hug. "Maybe not that much. I did get you something special for Valentine's Day though," he said, kissing Mikey's temple. "I hope you like it."

Grinning to himself Leo headed back upstairs, leaving his family to deal with the caged intruder while he retrieved the gifts he had gotten for his family.

Not understanding his brother's sudden departure, Mikey watched as Leo entered his room, a slightly confused look on his sea green face. Mikey's gaze drifted over to the squirrel who sat in the middle of his cage happily eating peanuts.

"Michelangelo, is something wrong, my son?" Splinter asked, seeing his youngest son's crestfallen look.

"Not really, Sensei," he shrugged. "I just kind of figured Leo was more of a romantic than to give me a kleptomaniac squirrel for Valentine's Day."

Thanks for reading.


End file.
